Advice to Remember for the Single and Dating
For those of us in the single and dating world, it can be a very emotionally trying time. We are meeting new people, exposing ourselves emotionally, and trying to navigate our path to a nurturing relationship. We are faced with many dilemmas and hard choices that we have to make that will affect not only your own life but that of the other person involved. When it comes to making these decisions, we ask ourselves what is the right thing to do for both parties involved. Here we have laid out a set of lessons and pieces of advice to help guide us to that ultimate outcome.
“Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else” ― Mae West
This does not just go for women, it goes from both sides. When the future of a fresh relationship is up in the air, it is in nobodies best interest to keep somebody hanging with uncertainty.
And on their side of the equation, it is extremely disrespectful to play with somebody else’s emotions while we play hard to get. If you are not interested in somebody, you have to let them know so that both of you can move on from each other.
It is not even productive for your own sake. If you are interested in the other person, leaving them hanging can result in them looking elsewhere. People do not like to have their emotions toyed with. If they feel that this is happening, then they will move on to somebody who they think will treat them with more respect. Even if you are not interested in the other person, you have to let them know that. They will keep lingering at the thought of you, and it will result in a mess of your separation later on.
“The minute I stopped trying to find the right girl, and started trying to become the right guy...the girl came.” ― Jonathan Antin
So many people are desperate to jump into another relationship because of an internal longing for it. If you are in this situation, I urge you to look in a word for what you need instead of desperately trying to jump into another relationship. For many of us, there is a feeling that something is missing that we think we can fill with another person. If we cannot be happy with only ourselves, then the happiness that we find with another person will only be temporary. We would be emotionally dependent on that other person, meaning that they will dictate how we feel.
Instead of the short fix of temporary filling that hole with another person, we must learn to love being with ourselves. A relationship is supposed to be a supplement to our happiness and well-being, not a requirement. We cannot have our sense of for fulfillment and happiness reliant on an unpredictable outside source. We must learn to generate that happiness from within. Once we do that, we will be able to share that joy with anyone who comes into a relationship with us. It will make us more desirable to others as they see that we do not need someone else to fill our lives with joy.
“You picked a lemon, throw it away. Lemonade is overrated.” ― Greg Behrendt , He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
One of the biggest mistakes that people make when joining a new relationship is going in thinking that they can change the other person. This is a recipe for heavy conflict later down the road. While there is definitely smaller aspects tour elation ship that can be compromised, thinking that you can change large aspects of a persons personality is a recipe for disaster.
So many of us think that we can take the bad egg and turn it sunny side up. The problem with this is that we are trying to take someone and turn them into something that they are simply not. Some of us may think of it as a challenge because who doesn’t love a good challenge? The problem with trying to change someone is that you are not really interested in who they really are.
Odds are, if you are not interested in the person that you see at the beginning of the relationship, you will not be able to 180 them into being the partner of your dreams. It would be much more beneficial for both of you to move on and find someone who fits the bill better for your taste.
“If a girl starts out all casual with a guy and she doesn't tell him that she wants a relationship, it will never become a relationship. If you give the guy the impression that casual is okay with you, that's all he'll ever want. Be straight with him from the start. If he gets scared and runs away, he wasn't right for you.”― Susane Colasanti, Waiting for You
Do not sell yourself short and hide what you really want. It is true that it can be hard finding someone who is actively seeking a relationship, especially when they are happy being single. When something does start to develop with a potential partner, we cannot hide our intentions. Thinking that they will fall in love with us while we play at a casual game does not put the odds in our favor. It is much more beneficial and productive for us to be straightforward and up front with our intentions from the beginning. If the other person is not open to the possibility of a relationship, then they probably still won’t be in the near future. In addition, it cannot really be seen as a breath of fresh air when someone is very straightforward with their intentions. It takes a lot of the guessing work out of the equation and the makes the experience much more enjoyable, which evidently it is more likely to result in something more long-term anyway.
“Love affairs are for emotional sprinters; the pleasures of love are for the emotional marathoners.” ― Robertson Davies
If you are really looking for a long-term relationship, you must learn how to play the long game. You must be willing to buckle down in the relationship through the good times and the bad. It will not always be sunshine and rainbows. There will be difficult times in the relationship that really test your bond with your partner. While at times it may seem that these difficult situations are a dead end, they can very often be worth it to stick it out. All relationships require a level of commitment and work. Anything great requires some sort of attention.
“When you love someone's everything with your everything then you truly are in love.” ― Stephen Richards, The Ultimate Success In Love
Everyone has flaws including you. In a relationship, it is important to accept and love the flaws of your significant other. We all have them. There is no shame in having them. They are what makes us human. You know you are truly in love when you can look past these and even come to love them.
It can really be the worst feeling in the world to have the things that you cannot change about your self be on excepted by the ones that you love the most. They can make anybody feel that they are unlovable. Inversely, feeling the unconditional love of another is one of the most uplifting and motivating feelings that there is. It works both ways as well. We must find someone who loves us for the things that we cannot change about ourselves either. Find someone who loves you for you and who you can love for them.