We Were All Kids Once: What Went Wrong
Growing up, we learn a lot. It is the nature of growing up to learn as much as possible about this new world that we have been just dropped into. We learned some effective transportation with our legs. We learned special ways to shoot air out of our mouths to communicate with the bigger people. We learned that our parents cleaning her diapers is not a luxury that we get to keep forever.
As we grow older and start to become more advanced, we begin to learn things that we have named “harsh truths” of life. We are told that we can’t actually have everything in life. We are told that sometimes were annoying to the people around us. We’re told her that some people out there want to hurt us, and we should be on guard. We are told many of these things by those older than us. Sometimes we come to these conclusions ourselves. As we begin to learn, we begin to change. We lose what we once were.
We Stopped Questioning
In the beginning we question almost anything that we see. We asked “What’s that?” and “How come?” and “Why?”. We start picking up a lot of information very quickly, and we start piecing together what we think this world is made of.
Sooner or later we stop questioning either because we think we already know or someone told us that we don’t need to now. Our curiosity starts to grow old and wither. We begin to do what we believe will get us to where we want to go and not to ask questions that might get us off track. Some questions might be inappropriate to ask. Some questions might get you into trouble. Is it better to just keep your nose down?
We Became Emotionally Unavailable
They say the first heartbreak is always the worst. Why? Do you forget how to cry? Does it get easier to lose someone? Do you love them any less? Well in a way, yes.
As we grow older, we keep the memories of the most painful times in our lives. We subconsciously do not want to ever experience that kind of pain again on that level. For the sake of prevention, we lower our emotional capacity. We can’t feel pain if we can’t feel much of anything at all. We begin to feel numb. In a way, we do forget to cry because we forget how to allow ourselves to feel almost anything at all.
It does get easier to lose someone because we do love them less. As we grow more numb to our emotions, our capacity for love and trust are diminished. We may take on new love interests, but the depth of our love is significantly more difficult to establish as we are bracing for a possible impact.
We Became Less Expressive
We are told or we assume that we are annoying. We see how others react to what we do. We are told that our behavior is not normal are beneficial. We are told that we should stop being so hyper. We are told that we should stop doing the things that give us the most joy. We shouldn’t seem to because we are being too loud. We shouldn’t dance because we might knock something over.
As we grow older you begin to lose the things that give us joy because we are told we shouldn’t. Sometimes we might just assume that we shouldn’t. We want to make friends, so we don’t want to do anything that might upset our potential friends. We start to shape ourselves into what we believe we should be.
(Starting to look bleak, I know. Just stay with me)
We Stopped Dreaming
As we start to realize how difficult the world can be sometimes, we start to dream a little less. We certainly drop the desire to be the president down to being content with being a manager. We make goals that are difficult but easy enough that we know we can achieve.
In addition to that, we actually start to have less dreams. We literally dream less when we go to sleep. The days start tying together and times seems to drone on.
We Spread Further From Our Fellow Humans
When we were young, it seemed a lot easier to make friends and meet new people. Even if we weren’t adept at it, we still put more trust into others when they came close. It seems that nowadays that level of trust is hard to give. even with people that we call our friends, we still hold a level of reserve to make sure we have our back covered.
While we walk through the street or grab a drink at a bar, we tend to stay close to who we know. When’s the last time you randomly approached a group and said hi? It would seem weird as an adult, right? We stick to our groups and tend not to branch out too much.
What Went Wrong?
What went wrong? Did something go wrong? Maybe you noticed, with each of these scenarios, there were two levels of outcome. These two levels determine whether or not something went wrong to you.
The two levels are:
1) A Lesson
2) An Extreme
When you were told to stop questioning so much, did you decide to stop questioning as a whole or to be more mindful of what you ask and who you ask it to? After you got over your first heartbreak, did you stop yourself from falling that deeply in love ever again or did you become more mindful of who you give your love to? When someone told you that you were annoying or didn’t react well to something you did, did you kill that part of yourself where did you find someone who appreciates you for who you were? When you realize that your dreams would be difficult to achieve, did you lower your dreams to something easier or did you start to figure out what it would take to make your original dreams happen? The first time your trust was betrayed, did you vowed to never give your trust to anyone like that again or did you make yourself a different promise?
The point of this is not just to show us how far we have fallen or have built. It is to give us a choice. Rather, to re-introduce us to a choice that we always had. When life comes crashing down on us, it is important to remember that we get to choose the lessons that we learn. We get to choose to do nothing or take an extreme stance. When we were younger, we trusted everyone, loved everyone, and were curious. We can still choose to be that way again, we just have to accept what comes with it. While trusting and loving everyone may be a very difficult and painful path, the most difficult paths can yield amazing results. However, you have to accept that it might give not so great consequences, too.
We have learned and experienced much in our time that we have been here. I want to invite you to look at your options again. Have you taken any extremes that might be an overreaction? Have you forgotten a lesson that might be important to you today? Ultimately the choice is yours because you know you’re like the best. This is just a reminder that you do have that option to change still.